life sucks and thats basically it

its a good thing no one reads this. because then i might be afraid to say that im no good at my job, i have no passion for celebrity pr, i have a serious problem with boys and i am not happy.

i dont know if its even not happy. im complacent. i live life. i do what i have to do, and i go out on the weekends and i've given up looking for meaning in things.

i came here for two reasons (lets be honest). i came here to become a magazine journalist and i came here to get away from the only boy i have ever loved.

he loves her now- but that is actually okay with me. yes, i feel a twinge of pain when i hear something too sweet about her, but thats human, and besides that, im fine. but the job- i came here for a reason, to write, and i dont even care whether im any good at it- i love it.

i love making things sound pretty. i love working with words. i even love grammar and commas and semi-colons. what i dont love is adjectives like "amazing" and "beautiful" and "stunning"- empty adjectives i used to call them- and thats all im allowed to use. i hate pr. i hate this kind of writing, i love that inner struggle- knowing a story is in there even when its painstaking to find. finding it or learning more from not finding it. i want to be a writer. so what am i doing?

yeah it looks good on the resume, but it feels like shit.